New Rules in NY

Written by Black Noise (for the Brooklyn Comedy Collective newsletter)

NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani recently released a list of new rules that all residents of the socialist republic of New York City must follow.

1. Everyone must take public transit.

2. It is now mandatory to tip subway performers.

3. If any unhoused person asks for your house, you must give it to them.

4. The only cars allowed on city roads are taxi cabs.

5. If you are white you have no rights.

6. If you are black you no longer will lack (any needs in life).

7. If you mispronounce my name, you will be stoned in front of city hall.

8. Every parent of a gay son and/or thot daughter will receive a city sponsored stimulus check.

9. No snow days.

10. I’m changing my mind, everyone gets a bisexual girlfriend.

Any resident with complaints can leave New York City and join fmr. Mayor Eric Adams. In hell.

For more comedy from Black Noise come see YO WTF Is Love? tomorrow, 2/13, at Brooklyn Comedy Collective (167 Graham Avenue, Brooklyn NY)! Today is the last day you can tickets for $5 off, so get them now!